Reflections Of A StoneCold Mind
by MannyZanders
Summary: Jason reflects on what his choices have cost Maxie and Spinelli. Character death.
1. Chapter 1

Jason knows trouble when he sees it. After years of working –and now running – the Corinthos Organization, his senses are fine-tuned and on constant alert for trouble.

And Maxie Jones is trouble. He's known it for years. He's even tried to warn Spinelli a few times of that fact. Though even he will admit that they were half-hearted attempts at best. Nobody is ever going to convince Spinelli to turn his back on "Maximista" and Jason knows not to push him too hard when it comes to Maxie. Spinelli believes in her, there's just something about Maxie that inspires blind loyalty and devotion from the lovelorn hacker.

Jason's beginning to understand why. He's made the comparison countless times now, but there is so much Carly in Maxie that it worries him sometimes. Not just for Spinelli either. She's beginning to get to him too and it was beginning to piss him of just a little. There's only so much room in his heart, he's always known this. He'd had to shove Sam from his heart to make room for Elizabeth, and Sonny whom had been like family to him, had been replaced with Spinelli.

But Maxie, she's slowly made a spot for herself in Jason's home and makeshift family. She hasn't replaced anyone; she just seems to be making a brand new space for herself. And like he said, it was really beginning to piss him off. Until he'd caught Spinelli with his gun and his friend had explained why. Hearing that Maxie was in the hospital had shot a completely unexpected bolt of terror through him. And while part of it was because he knew losing Maxie would wreck Spinelli, it was mainly the realization that she belonged with the two of them. In that instant she became more than the annoying ever-present smart mouth shadow to his pseudo-brother, she became family.

Maybe it was because she more than anyone, understood the pain of losing a beloved sister. Maybe it was because she was so clearly loyal and devoted to someone who'd come to mean so much to him. Maybe it was because she reminded him so much of Carly, that it made him want to instinctively protect her. Whatever it was, she had become that part of Jason's world that his business was not allowed to touch – ever.

He'd been honest when he'd told Spinelli that he didn't want him to become that person that blindly avenging Maxie's attack would turn him into. But mainly, he just wanted to be the one to avenge her. The Russians had stepped over the line when they'd targeted her. His business, his shipments, even his people were one thing but Maxie Jones was one of those few things that Jason held as off-limits. Period.

Spinelli had told him of his ridiculous plan to sever his ties with Maxie to protect her. Though noble, it was a plan doomed to fail, mainly because Maxie had too much Carly in her to ever let go of something – someone – she'd deemed a necessity in her life. So he'd been unsurprised when his newly appointed guards at his door had announced her. Unsurprised because it was a classic Carly move and also because of the frequent updates from the two very experienced and highly trusted guards he had watching over her and following her every move since before she'd even left her hospital bed.

She'd come storming in, her startling blue eyes flashing fire and demanding if he'd had a hand in Spinelli's plan to "abandon" her. He'd almost rolled his eyes at her dramatics until he'd looked at her, really looked at her and saw the fear and uncertainty simmering beneath the bravado. Instead he'd sighed, pulled out his phone, asked her what she needed from Mac's and instructed her guards to bring her stuff to the penthouse immediately.

He'd expected a barrage of questions or complaints but instead she'd flashed him a look of complete relief and gratitude before tossing her purse on his desk and settling in on his couch looking for all the world like she owned the place. And just like that his family became even more complete; all that was missing was Elizabeth and his son. But that day would have to wait, maybe indefinitely. But for now he was content.

Spinelli worked harder and was far more productive knowing his beloved Maximista was safe, protected and would be waiting for them at home at the end of every day. As for Maxie, while the decision to have the Police Commissioner's daughter move into his most private sanctuary, his home, might seem like an ill-advised, if not completely stupid, one – he didn't regret it. She was loyal and he trusted her completely, as she did him. They were bound together by their mutual love of the brilliant hacker that was the glue that held their makeshift family together.

He hadn't asked her to, hadn't wanted her to, but she'd been his alibi when Lucky Spencer had shown up to question him about the shoot-out down at the docks. Even Diane had been impressed with the skill and ease in which Maxie had deflected all the questions and accusations from the cops.

And though no one would ever dare accuse him of being sappy, in his mind he can see the future stretching out before them. Can clearly see standing beside Spinelli, silently supporting him like the Best Man is supposed to do as they watch Mac escort his step-daughter down the aisle. Already pictures infants with mischievous blue eyes that shrewdly observe and miss nothing peering out from beneath a mop of unruly brown hair. Can already hear being summoned by the calls of "Uncle Jason" ringing through his penthouse by toddlers that have been taught by the best how to wrap everyone, including their "Uncle Jason", around their little fingers.

No, he's not a sentimental man by any stretch of the imagination. But he clearly sees the future for his two friends – his family – and he will do everything in his power to ensure it comes true for them. And if that means he has to permanently shut down Sonny's uncontrollable lust for power and revenge or kill every Russian that crosses his path, so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

She was sent personally from Hell to torment him. Or the Fates were laughing at him. He wasn't sure which, he would tell Spinelli. But Jason had always been sure that he was being punished. It was really the only explanation for the blonde whirlwind that he and Spinelli shared a home, a life, a family with.

Maxie Jones. Tiny, infuriating, scheming and sarcastic. Always with a smart-mouth comment or snide aside. She seemed to have taken over his home with surprising ease. There were new pictures on his mantle, her fashion magazines littered his coffee table and his once quiet peaceful penthouse was filled with the sounds of her nagging – either him or Spinelli, sometimes both. She chattered incessantly, seemed to think nothing of getting in his face and was constantly underfoot.

She drove him crazy. And some days he wondered about his sanity in bringing her into his home.

But she was also vulnerable, devoted, and quick to help anyone she considered a friend and had a surprisingly fierce sense of loyalty. And if that loyalty was only to Spinelli, Jason still wouldn't have ever really regretted bringing her into his home, his life. But though he knew he'd never truly done anything to deserve it - she'd extended that loyalty to include him too. Before Maxie had moved in, he was going through life on the edge of truly living, but Maxie's whirlwind personality had swept him into having a life of his own. Joining in on conversations with her and Spinelli, or just rolling his eyes at them – she'd included him without thought or question.

He could always count on her to have an opinion on everything. Especially his life. She would go on non-stop …He was too serious, he needed a sense of humor, he was working Spinelli too hard. He would slam his hands on his desk and tell her to shut the hell up and she would just roll her eyes and huff at him. Hands on hips, eyes flashing fire and a mouth that never seemed to know when the hell to stop.

Except that mouth was silent now. Probably forever. And it was his fault. That bright chaotic light known as Maxie Jones was slowly fading as they sat here in the hospital waiting room. And he –and only he – was responsible.

He watched silently as Spinelli paced in front of him, his movements frenetic and jerky. He glanced to his left and saw the stricken face of Mac Scorpio holding tight to a sobbing Robin. To his right Lulu Spencer had a death grip on the hand of her boyfriend Johnny, and her gaze was tight with worry and fright as she watched Spinelli. Jason could understand why.

Spinelli, ashen-faced and trembling, looked like he was about to collapse at any second. Just then the Emergency Room doors slid open and a frantic tear-stained Sam rushed in. She glanced quickly around and spotting them, went straight to Spinelli and wrapped her arms around him. At first he stood stiff in her embrace and then he seemed to melt into her and Jason watched as the unexpected weight caused Sam to stumble and they sank to the floor. Sam made no move to rise, just tightened her arms around Spinelli and rocked with him murmuring soft words of comfort.

Jason felt his chest tighten. He was grateful Sam was there. And that she seemed to instinctively know who needed comforting the most. Everybody present loved, or at least cared about Maxie, but it was Spinelli who would be hit hardest by the death of his beloved Maximista. The ache in chest spread and Jason closed his eyes briefly against the pain. Then a picture of Maxie still and lifeless, her body a sickening ashen color that clashed violently with the rush of blood staining her chest, sides and the cement beneath her flashed in his mind and he clenched his jaw and forced his eyes open. He didn't deserve the solace of escape, even for just a moment. He rarely did guilt, but deliberately he reached for it this time – he deserved to feel the pain, the anguish. Deserved to feel it all, the anger, the resentment, the accusation in the eyes of those seated around him, most whom couldn't even bring themselves to look at each other for longer than a second or two.

Because although no one here wanted to admit it, no one wanted to say the words out loud; they knew. They all knew that Maxie would die tonight, dimly he heard the doctors words echo in his head _"The damage is extensive." "It's a miracle she survived the ride to the hospital." "Ten percent chance she'll make it through the next twenty-four hours."_ He'd seen the pitying glances the hospital staff would slide their way. Saw the way they shook their heads, knew the doctors believed they were wasting their time. Could see it in their eyes, they'd already written her off. To them Maxie Jones was already dead. Only a miracle could save her now.

But it was Christmas, the season of miracles. And this was Port Charles, the town of miracles. How many people did he know that had survived being on the brink of death's door – how many times had he? This was Port Charles, where the dead never really stayed dead for long. Where half the town idolized mobsters as the good guys, where cops never really seemed to solve anything. This was a town where betrayal, fear and death ran rampant. Port Charles was where psychos came to play. And he never hated this town more than he did at that moment.

Maybe it defied logic to believe Maxie would survive, but Port-Fucking-Charles itself defied logic. It had given so much grief and agony to so many of its citizens for so long. So it damn well owed someone as purely generous and kind-hearted as Spinelli. It owed him Maxie.

But from the grim look on the approaching 's face and the devastated one on Patrick's, there was no miracle headed their way.

Jason kept his seat as everyone else leapt up and surrounded the brothers. But he'd been right. There were no more second chances for Maxie Jones. Carefully, softly Patrick told them they could go in to see her. To say goodbye. It was up to Mac who went first.

"Spinelli. Spinelli goes." Everyone's gaze turned to Jason but he had nothing else to say.

It wasn't meant as a suggestion and he hoped no one in this room was stupid enough to take it as one. He didn't give a damn that Maxie was a daughter, a cousin or a best friend. She was first and foremost, Spinelli's. And there was no way in hell anyone other than Spinelli was going in with Maxie right now.

He glared at Mac, silently daring him to challenge him and for one moment he thought he would. But then Mac sighed and nodded his head in agreement. Jason knew it had less do with his intimidation and more of the quick glance shared between Uncle and Niece. In that instant they'd silently asked each other what Maxie would want and surprisingly; had done it.

Jason watched as Spinelli's gaze darted briefly in his direction and then skittered away before taking a shaky breath and following Patrick to where Maxie lay dying. It was the longest his friend had been able to look at him since they'd gotten here. He didn't blame him. How could he? Jason knew that when Maxie died it would be his fault and his alone. He would be responsible for the death of the only woman Spinelli had ever truly loved – and knowing the hacker and his depth of love for the fiery blonde - the only woman Spinelli _would_ ever love.

A movement to his left caught his attention and he caught the eye of a grim-faced Cody. Jerking his head slightly, Jason motioned silently for the barrel-chested enforcer to meet him outside.

"Who?" He didn't elaborate, he didn't need to. "One of Zacchara's." Jason felt the heat of fury spread through him at Cody's answer. One of Zaccharra's men meant one of Sonny's men. Spinelli was inside saying good-bye to the only woman he would ever love and it had been on Sonny's order.

Hearing a soft gasp behind them, both men whirled guns drawn. Sam stepped from the shadows, eyes black with fury and unmindful of the weapons, grasped Jason's arm. "Sonny? Sonny did this? That son of a bitch!"

"Sam, calm down." He holstered his weapon and motioned for Cody to do the same.

"Calm down?" Hands clenched into fists, Sam glared at him. "Fuck you Jason. Tomorrow morning, hell - in an hour, Maxie will be dead. Sonny has to pay."

Glancing quickly around, he grabbed her arm and hustled her into the shadows. "Lower your voice."

She yanked her arm away. "You aren't going to do anything are you?" she gave a bitter laugh, "It's just Maxie, right? What the fuck do you care a bullet meant for a cop got Maxie instead?" she sneered at him, her voice ice-cold with fury, "Go to hell Jason, and take Sonny with you." She shoved him and stalked off.

He blew out a harsh breath and looked at Cody. "Follow her. Make sure she goes nowhere near Sonny or the Zacchara's tonight." Cody nodded and turned to go.

"Cody?"

The man turned back to him. "Yeah?"

"The shooter?" Cody just stared at him, his face hard and Jason nodded with satisfaction. "Good."

Normally, he would have preferred to do the shooter himself but dead was dead, and it let him concentrate on how he was going to avenge the woman who had become like a sister to him. It was a cop that Sonny had ordered the hit on, but the bullet had cut short Maxie's life instead. And with it, Spinelli's. Jason knew his friend wouldn't be able to survive the death of Maxie. The shooter might as well have put a bullet through the hacker too.

And for taking his family, Jason vowed that Sonny would pay. He hoped Sonny had enjoyed the short reign as the head of the Zacchara Organization, because Sonny Corinthos had issued his last order; he was a dead man.


	3. Goodbye My Friend

_Authors Note – You'll notice this chapter is somewhat of a departure for me. I don't typically write dialogue, I tend to a more reflective style of writing because – well, I suck at dialogue. But my friend Amy requested a Jason/Maxie scene so in the spirit of the Holidays, I obliged. Hope it doesn't suck too much!_

He couldn't force himself to go back inside, to watch one by one as each person said their goodbyes to Maxie. But neither could he leave. So instead he stayed outside the hospital doors and waited for the inevitable. Ten minutes, an hour; he didn't know how long he'd been standing there and he didn't care.

"Jason."

Sam's trembling voice sounded from behind him. He was surprised at how relieved he was that she was still there. He'd been half-convinced that in her grief and fury, she would try on take on Sonny by herself. Cracking his neck slowly, he schooled his features into a blank mask and then turned to face her.

She looked like hell. She was gripping the doorframe, eyes puffy and red and even from his distance he could see the tremors rocking her slight frame.

"Yeah?"

"Umm..it's Maxie – she, uh…" her voice broke as tears slipped unchecked down her face and Jason could feel the air leave his body and his chest tightened painfully. Oh god no. Maxie -- she was gone already. Sam needed to get the hell away from him, quickly. He was going to throw up.

Sam swallowed thickly and brushed at her tears impatiently, "She's…she's asking for you."

For a moment Jason just stared at her. Relief shot through him. She wasn't gone yet, sure it was a short reprieve but he didn't care. But then Sam's words registered and he frowned. What the hell? Maxie was many things – but stupid wasn't one of them. She had to know that she was dying. This was a time for family, for loved ones. He had no business in there with her, taking time from her family, from Spinelli.

"Jason?"

Silently he nodded and moved to brush past her back into the hospital when she grabbed his arm. "Jason, What I said before – I'm just really scared. But I know you and I can see it in your eyes, you're blaming yourself. This is not your fault."

He felt like indulging in one of those eye-rolls that Maxie loved so much, instead he pulled short and stared hard at her. "Mac would disagree with you. He'd be right."

Her eyes filled with tears again, "Mac's scared. First Georgie, now Maxie." She took a deep breath and shook her head, "Don't do this to yourself Jason, this isn't your fault. This was Sonny's fuck-up, not yours. You didn't do this to Maxie."

"Yes I did - I didn't fucking protect her! She's in there because I failed her."

Sam stared silently at him, her heart breaking. Maxie was dying; her exasperating, infuriating, endearing friend was dying. And Jason and Spinelli were falling apart in front of her eyes, and she didn't know how either of them were going to – _would be able to_ – survive this night.

"Stop it."

Sam blinked at him.

"Stop it." He repeated in a low voice. "Stop feeling sorry for me; stop trying to think of ways to comfort me. Mac deserves to hate me, to blame me for this. He's right, they're all right. This is my fault."

"They?" she cocked her head at him, "Jason – this is not your fault. You didn't put her in that hospital bed, nobody blames you for this. Not even Mac – not really."

"Spinelli can't even look at me."

Comfort and common sense were her not really strong points, but that was okay. She had a feeling neither of them were going to get through to Jason right now. Which was good because she didn't have the energy to be understanding or even kind right now.

She felt her grief push to the side as the anger and fear hovering around her heart exploded. He was grieving, but Maxie was leaving all of them not just Jason and Spinelli. Maxie wanted Jason; she was damn well going to get Jason.

"Get your head out of your ass Jason! Nobody blames you. Spinelli can't look at you because he's falling apart; he's minutes away from collapsing. His world is falling apart, you self-absorbed jackass, and he's terrified of being weak in front of the great Stone Cold. So stop being so damn self-centered and get in there, my friend – both my friends - need you right now. You can feel sorry for yourself tomorrow."

Under any other circumstances, Jason would have smiled. She sounded so much like Maxie. Instead, he stared at her for a few moments then brushed past her to make his way to Maxie's room. He could feel the eyes on him as he passed the waiting area but didn't acknowledge any of them. Despite Sam's words, he still felt like he'd failed them all – especially Spinelli.

He paused as he opened Maxie's door and couldn't help the smile that tugged at his mouth when he did. Maxie, looking pale and tiny amongst the tubes, wires and beeping machines, was busy glaring at the nurse. From the flustered look on the nurse's face, he would guess she had just been victim of one of Maxie's infamous tongue-lashings.

"Hey."

Maxie looked up at his greeting and smiled. "Jason."

He watched in amusement as the nurse practically bolted from the room and he raised an eyebrow at her. "Terrorizing the staff already?"

She scoffed. "More like terrifying. Did you see the way she ran out of here? Woman needs to grow a serious backbone if I scare her."

The words, the attitude – all Maxie. But the voice; soft, muted and accompanied by short gasps in between words like just breathing hurt – it was the voice of a stranger. Jason felt his gut clench. To his horror, he could feel tears stinging his eyes and he forced himself to push past it – he refused to put that on her. Instead he focused on responding to her last sentence.

"You, Maxie? Half my organization is terrified of you. Last time I told Bernie that Spinelli was coming to Chicago with me, he asked if I'd cleared it with you first."

She laughed weakly, and then tears filled her eyes. "Jason, I'm so scared."

He swallowed hard and stood there feeling unsure, inadequate and useless. He didn't know what to say, what to do. Slowly, hesitantly he approached her bed. Was he supposed to comfort her? He couldn't even begin to imagine how to start. When he was standing next to her, she reached out and grasped his hand. He watched as her eyes closed briefly and she grimaced in pain. He wouldn't have thought it was possible, but she went ever paler and her hands trembled in his.

"Maxie?"

She opened her eyes. "Yeah?"

"Why, uh…what?" His voice trailed off. See, this is why he didn't talk. He didn't have the fucking words.

"Why'd I ask Sam to get you?"

He nodded and she sighed, then pinned him with those damn unflinching eyes. "Because the Doctors, they said my heart – B.J.'s heart – has decided it's time for me to say goodbye to my family." She squeezed his hand, "_All of my family._"

He shook his head, "Maxie – don't."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Deal with it Lurch. You're family – so get over yourself." She took a shallow breath. "And don't look so worried. I have no intention of having some pathetic death-bed conversation with you."

"Then why am I here?"

She huffed, "I already told you – you're family."

He almost smiled at the familiar calculating gleam that came into her eyes then. He raised his eyebrows at her and waited in silence. If living with her had taught him anything, it was that look meant trouble. The last time he'd seen that look was when she blithely announced that she'd just spent ten thousand dollars of his money on a new couch. Because his clashed with her hair.

He didn't really care then, and he didn't care now. He had plenty of money and besides, saying no would have been a waste of time. She'd just go to Bernie; she had the man wrapped around her finger. Besides, at this moment he'd set up bank accounts for every person she ever met if that's what she wanted.

She cleared her throat and stared down at the sheet covering her. "I want you to take care of.."

He interrupted her, "Maxie, you should know I already have money set up in an account for Spinelli. A lot of money. He'll be fine."

She scoffed at him. "Idiot. I wasn't going to ask you to take care of Spinelli. That's stupid, nobody needs to ask you to do that." Tears filled her eyes. "And he won't be fine. But he'll have you. You'll get him through it."

"Then, who?"

"Sam. I want you to protect Sam."

He stared at her, bewildered. "Sam? Sam doesn't need anyone's protection. And she sure as hell doesn't want mine."

She looked down guiltily, "She knows you have Cody watching her Jason. He's probably already unconscious in a bathroom somewhere."

Jason stared hard at her. "Why do I need to protect Sam, Maxie?"

"She went to kill Sonny."

Well, fuck.


	4. A Twist of Fate

Jason was not a man that indulged in self-reflection on a regular basis. He made the choices he made and he lived with the consequences. He went with his gut because he'd learned to trust it. Impulsiveness was not in his nature, he was methodical mainly because he very seldom indulged in questioning past choices or decisions. What was the point? The past was over and done with and very little was ever accomplished if you were held hostage by fear or regret. He'd found emotions did very little but get in the way.

He knew he was viewed as ruthless and cold but it wasn't as if he too did not have circumstances in his life that he wished were different. Michael had suffered more than a child should ever have to endure. Suffering that could be traced directly to the choices made by the three adults that should have protected him the most.

And Jake...twice now, Jason's actions had turned Elizabeth into a terrified mother suffering in the worst possible way, having her child stolen from her.

And Sam… he had known all those months ago that Elizabeth had wanted – needed – him to hate Sam and so he had. Had refused to see how broken, how shattered she had been. Had pushed her to the that place of anguish and desperation he'd only seen her visit once before – when they'd lost baby Lila. Had turned his back on her completely, he'd had to. Having her in his life and not hating her, could only ever lead to loving her again. And he had needed to love his son's mother too much. Had needed desperately that second chance at family that he was never going to get again with Alan, Monica and Emily.

In all of these though, it was the decision of others that cast the stone. He merely walked the path set before him by the decisions of others.

But this time, there was only himself to blame. And for the first time in a long time, Jason found himself questioning his decisions, regretting painfully his choices. And found he couldn't stop himself from wondering constantly these past few hours, what could have been. What more he could have done for both Spinelli and Maxie.

Maxie was no angel. She was no sweet, delicate flower in need of constant nurturing and protection. While life had thrown at her more than one person could possibly endure, Maxie Jones was no one's victim.

She was sarcastic, defensive, calculating and refused to succumb to anything, or anyone. She was a fighter, a survivor and Jason appreciated – maybe even admired – that about her.

He knew her well enough now to know that her heart was something she guarded. At all costs. She was tough and determined her sarcasm and biting wit hiding a vulnerable heart. She played the cards life dealt her and she did it with her head held high and defenses securely intact. When people hurt or disappointed her, she lashed out. Quickly and with an eye to wound.

She'd built walls high around her heart and watched sadly as every person tried – and failed – to scale them. But that was before. Before Georgie, before Cooper; before Spinelli.

Spinelli didn't just scale her walls, he obliterated them.

And now, because of Jason's reluctance to end Sonny's madness once and for all; she was truly defenseless for the first time ever. The choice to live or die was not hers to make; that was left up to doctors and fate. She didn't have the strength to fight. It was luck, machines, and medical science keeping her alive right now. For how long, no one knew.

The group of people surrounding him under the washed out glow of the hospital waiting room lights were praying for a miracle. Jason didn't believe in miracles, wasn't even really sure he believed in God. But he believed in second chances. And if anyone had one coming, it was the tiny blonde in an operating room two floors down currently surrounded by the best surgeons his money could buy.

"Stone Cold?"

Jason blinked. Spinelli stood nervously in front of him, a concerned look on his face. Concern for him, Jason knew. He shouldn't have really been surprised; trust and forgiveness came so easily to Spinelli.

And sitting here in silence surrounded by his thoughts and the taunting _what-if's_ and _could-have-been's_ Jason had acknowledged a truth that was most likely at the heart of Sonny's freefall into the madness of his lust for power; other than each other, Maxie was probably the person Spinelli and Jason loved most in this world. And while Jason had never thought he'd see the day that Carly's place in his heart, his life would be over-shadowed by someone else – the truth was, Carly didn't really need him anymore. But those two – the boy he loved like a son, and the girl that had become a sister – they did. He didn't want to fail them. He was tired of failing those he loved the most. For all his money, his power, his formidable reputation, he'd been powerless to save Michael, Emily, or Baby Lila. And the next few hours would tell if he had to add Maxie to that list.

He can't help wonder at people whose heart loved not in order, but expanded to fit everyone. Like Spinelli. He knew the boy could never say that he held either Jason or Maxie as more important than the other. He loved them both, and to Spinelli it was that simple. It wasn't to him, it never had been.

And it wasn't to Maxie, either. She loved Spinelli, period. Jason knew that if it ever came down to it, Maxie would sell him down the river without a second thought if it meant saving Spinelli. It should probably bother him, but it didn't.

He couldn't help but wonder if his friend realized how much he was loved by the blonde spitfire. Now that the next few hours could reveal whether Maxie would live or die, Jason couldn't help but regret not pushing Maxie harder the week before…

_The penthouse was dark and silent when he opened the door. Which was odd because her guard had checked in just moments before, so he knew Maxie was home. A slight movement on the couch caught his eye and he realized Maxie had been sitting alone in the dark. Alone and crying softly, she sat curled up on the couch. He flicked on the light and then narrowed his eyes in confusion and concern. Maxie looked up at him with a tear-stained face and heartbreaking pain in her eyes._

"_Maxie – what's wrong?"_

_Maxie began sobbing in earnest. "He loves me Jason, Spinelli really loves me."_

_He stared at her bewildered. That? That was what she was crying about? How was that a surprise to her? Pretty much who knew Spinelli knew that he was completely head over heels in love with the snarky blonde. _

"_And?"_

_She stared at him, tears momentarily forgotten; "And…And? Jason – Spinelli _loves_ me!"_

"_Yes, I know that. What I don't know is why you're sitting here in the dark crying about it."_

_She sat in silence for several seconds nervously twisting the edges of the quilt on her lap around her fingers. "I never thought I would love someone like Spinelli, Jason."_

_He didn't understand why she was so scared to truly let go – she loved Spinelli._

"_I'm not strong like that Jason. I love him Jason, I love him and I can never tell him. I won't… I can't…you can't ever tell Spinelli that I'm in love with him. It would ruin everything. I can't lose him."_

"_Maxie, you're one of the strongest people I know. Spinelli has been in love with you for months. Telling him that you love him isn't going to ruin anything; it can only make you guys stronger." _

"_Love doesn't make you stronger Jason. It makes you weak. It turns your blood into ice flowing through your veins at the thought of hurting the person you love. Your heart turns to glass because that's how it will shatter if you can't be with them. And I if I follow my heart Jason, I know that I will never love anyone else again."_

"_What's wrong with that? Isn't that every girl's dream – to fall in love forever?"_

_Her tiny frame trembled with another soft sob,_ _"Because when I screw_ _things up with Spinelli, Jason – and I will, we both know I will – and he leaves me, the only way I could let him go would be to destroy him like you destroyed Sam. And I couldn't do that, not to Spinelli."_

"Uh, Stone Cold?"

Belatedly, Jason realized he had yet to respond and Spinelli was still staring at him with concern. He ran a hand over his face and sighed. "Sorry. It's been a long couple of days."

Spinelli cocked his head, an apprehensive look crossing his face, "The Jackal was wondering if perhaps Stone Cold is experiencing conflicting feelings of hope and regret, much like…"

"Spinelli." Jason's tired voice cut him off. "I'm exhausted, I haven't slept in over forty-eight hours; do you think you could just get to the point?"

Jason immediately felt like shit when Spinelli's eyes filled up with tears.

"I'm sorry Spinelli."

"We're all exhausted Jason." A soft voice sounded from behind Spinelli and Jason watched as Sam gently pushed Spinelli into the empty chair beside him. "We're just worried that this is too much for you. This can't be easy for you, you loved them both. Spinelli knows that you want to be here for him but I think we would all understand if you needed to be someplace else."

Jason glared at her, "I'm not going anywhere until Monica tells us how the surgery went. I don't give a damn if my being here is making the Commissioner uncomfortable, he can figure out how to deal with it. Maxie is my family, too."

"Spinelli and I aren't worried about the Commissioner, we're worried about you."

"I'm fine; Maxie's the one in there with her heart being cut out of her body."

Sam sighed and squeezed his arm gently, "She's not the only one Jason. You can't just shut down and pretend this isn't happening. I know how much Sonny has always meant to you." She paused and regarded him sadly for a long moment, then rubbed her face wearily, "Okay, I can see that you need to handle this your own way – but remember Spinelli and Maxie love you and will want to help you through this in whatever way they can. Don't shut them out."

She gave his arm one last reassuring squeeze and turned towards Spinelli. "I'm going to go now, but I'll be back in a few hours. Call me if the doctors tell us anything before then, okay?"

Spinelli nodded and Jason stared at her with surprise, "You're leaving - now?"

"Yes, Lulu and I are taking turns with Emma. We wanted Maxie's family to be able to be here the whole time. Monica said heart transplants can take hours. Spinelli call me when you hear something – I need to go relieve Lulu."

As he watched her hug their friend and then turn to leave, he realized that he hadn't even noticed that Lulu had been missing the past few hours. Briefly he wondered at the randomness of Lulu and Sam babysitting Emma, he didn't think either of them was particularly close to Robin or Patrick. But as he blinked and took in the scene around him, he realized just how many people were in the crowded waiting room. The Commissioner and Robin were surrounded by people; Maxie's mother was there as were Robins parents. He realized with a start that Dillon was sitting next to Robin and wondered when he got there.

It wasn't like Jason to be so unobservant, in fact in his line of work – it could get him killed. He glanced at a worried Spinelli slumped wearily in his chair next to him and sighed. Sam was right; he needed to get through this his own way. But he didn't want to shut out Spinelli or Maxie either, if she survived.

"Spinelli." Jason waited for him to raise his head to look at him before continuing, "I'm sorry I snapped at you before. I know that you're worried about me, but I meant what I said – it's Maxie we need to focus on right now. It doesn't really matter how I feel or what I think."

He held up a hand when Spinelli opened his mouth to speak. "Just let me say this, okay?" Spinelli closed his mouth with a nod and Jason blew out a long breath, "I don't really know if this is going to hit me once Maxie pulls through this okay. And I don't know what I'm going to say to Carly, or how I'm going to look Morgan in the eyes. But I know that right now, I think that maybe things happen for a reason."

Jason paused and looked across the room at Maxie's family. He gestured towards them with a jerk of his head, "I know that they're getting this possible miracle for Maxie because of Sonny. I also know she wouldn't be there in the first place if it weren't for him. And because of that, I don't feel anything but relief that Sonny's death has given Maxie a second chance."

Spinelli stared at him for a moment and looked as if he wanted to say something but instead just nodded with a tired sigh. Jason watched him for a few minutes then stood up with a slight stretch before making his way out of the room. His intention had been to get some more coffee but as soon as exited he was hit with an overwhelming wave of exhaustion. He made it down the hall, rounded a corner and leaned back to slide down to the wall wearily and thought about the last forty-eight hours.

In just that short time frame, he felt like he'd aged ten years. In two days time he'd watched a coward cop grab an unsuspecting Maxie and use her as a human shield against an unseen gunmen. He'd watched the girl he loved like a sister gasp in surprise at the rush of blood spilling from her, then moan in terror as the pain of being shot hit her before turning ashen and still in a hysterical Spinelli's arms. He'd watched as Spinelli had slowly caved into himself at the realization of his beloved Maximista's death and then his joy at her unexpected second chance at life. A second chance that had come at the cost of Sonny's life.

Jason shook his head; he guessed it was a fitting kind of irony. Sonny had put Maxie at death's door and now he was bringing her back from it. Was taking her place instead thanks to his cunning black-hearted wife. Jason knew that Claudia was terrified he was going to come after her in retribution for killing Sonny. But the truth was the only reason he'd been there moments after she'd shot Sonny in the head was to stop Sam from killing him by killing Sonny himself.

Maybe the bigger irony was that Jason would have shot Sonny through the heart, the heart that was now being transferred from his body to Maxie's.

Jason rubbed tiredly at his eyes and blew out a long breath, there was something nagging the back of his mind about the fear, terror and guilt on Claudia's face when he'd come rushing into Sonny's study after hearing screams, shouts and then the distinct boom of a powerful gun being fired. It was more than she'd just shot her husband. The police were already calling it self-defense and Jason didn't doubt it but he wondered what it was that had sent Sonny over the edge. He'd seen the state of the room, it had been ripped apart and he'd seen the state of Claudia, she'd been beaten badly. Sonny had done a lot of horrible things, but becoming violent with women had never been one of them. Whatever had happened between the two of them had clearly sent Sonny into a rage and over the edge of sanity.

Jason sighed again, whatever it was – it wasn't his concern. Sonny was dead now and with it had come a miracle nobody had been expecting. His heart was a perfect match for the quickly fading Maxie who would not survive another few hours – let alone the night, without it. Vaguely, Jason registered the sound of a commotion not far away, and then shot to his feet with a start when he realized it was coming from the waiting room.

He made his way to the room quickly, opening the door and stared, his heart clenching at the scene before him. There wasn't a person in the room, including Monica and some other doctor he didn't recognize, that wasn't crying. Everyone was talking to and over each other, several people were on cell phones and they were all smiling.

Monica caught his eye and smiled softly at him and Jason felt relief and something akin to elation rush through him at the reassurance he saw there. His eyes sought out Spinelli and he nearly smiled at the sight of Dillon, Robin and Spinelli in some sort of weird mashed up group hug of tangled limbs, tears and joyful smiles. He caught Monica's eye again and nodded to her in thanks, she smiled at him gently before turning back to Mac.

Leaving the room, Jason leaned against the wall and smiled. Maxie was going to live and Spinelli was going to survive – all was right with his world.


End file.
